Music in my life

Why am I so drawn to music?

I want to be involved at symphonies, I want to teach it, and yet sometimes I am extremely bored by it. Aaron Copland or Nadia Boulange said that if you could still live without music, you have no reason to be involved with it. Or something like that. The point is I would never want to live without music, and I missed it terribly when I was away from it, but could i live with out it? Am i worthy of pursuing it to a very high degree? Can i learn it's languages, really get to a place where I can look or listen to a piece and judge it intelligently? I just don't know.

Not Enough

I need to make more time for music. It might seem like I'm doing a lot of it, that I spend hours rehearsing and practicing, but I don't focus on it enough, enjoy it enough. I do love playing trumpet, as much as I bitch about it. And I can't wait to start piano lessons again! Music history too! I am still debating about whether to take Topics or Jazz History, but I don't need to decide for awhile. It might look bad to have the same class 3-4 times on my transcript, but i do get repeat credit, and I would LOVE to take a class with George. I want to relax and lie on the floor and listen to Wagner and Mahler and not worry! I worry to much, and not about the right things. No good.


Another interesting idea: How do you reconcile the artist and the music? I mean, if the artist was a bad person and you know that, but you love their music, do you ever feel guilty? Like that their personality some how poisons it, makes it worse? Or should you just judge purely on the sound? Clearly I am talking about Wagner here. On the contrary, can a beautiful soul make music better?
hmmmm

Yesterday I gave a presentation on Schoenberg to my german class and I don't know how much of it they got. It is hard to explain music stuff to non music people. I am a total geek.

I think I'm going to try to heal a bit with music. Maybe Mahler's Ressurection? I need some ressurecting.