Stage Fright

For years and years I have suffered from stage fright. Sometimes it is just not playing my best, sometimes it is so physically crippling that I cannot play my instrument. I thought I got over it, or at least that it was getting much better, but it reared it's ugly head again recently and I don't know why.

I got up to perform and all of a sudden I was shaking terribly and my mouth got dry and it was pretty awful. I had worked so hard on the piece, and I got on that stage and choked. The worst part was I felt prepared, even excited to perform the piece. I was even trying so hard to control my thoughts to think about breathing and being into the piece. But my body took over. I wanted to fight, but the rest of me decided to run away.


I know it is more subliminal than I give it credit, but I just don't identify with the "solutions" given by people on the internet. They suggest reminding yourself that your audience is not there to judge you, but to support you. That's not what I was thinking of before hand. I was thinking of how well I wanted to do and the nuances of my piece. I was stoked! But once it startd I started thinking very negatively.

I should try taking a shot or something. Then if that doesn't work, maybe I can try beta blockers.

(from http://www.ethanwiner.com/BetaBlox.html)
# 1. What are beta blockers (such as Inderal)?

Beta blockers block the receptors for the physical effects of a person's natural fight or flight response. They are not sedatives, and they can't help anxiety of a purely psychological nature.

Beta receptors are found in a number of places in the body: heart, lung, arteries, brain and uterus, to name a few. Like a key in a lock, beta blockers chemically fit into beta receptors and prevent norepinephrine from binding to the receptors that cause the symptoms of the fight-or-flight response.

The degree of these effects depends on the dose and the individual's sensitivity to the medication. Peak effect occurs in one to one and a half hours. Ideally, this could allow a performer to play at his or her best, without the distraction or interference of excessive fight or flight symptoms.

Blocking beta receptors can cause decreased heart rate; decreased force of heart contractions; bronchoconstriction (can cause asthma attacks in people with asthma); uterine contractions; decreased blood pressure; relief of migraines; and decreased tremor.

The beta receptors found in the different areas of the body are not all the same, thus different beta blockers may affect these areas differently. For instance, metoprolol (Lopressor) and atenolol (Tenormin) are beta-1 selective, which means they block only beta-1 receptors found primarily in the heart, but not the beta-2 receptors found in the lung and uterus. Thus, they can decrease blood pressure, heart rate and force of cardiac contraction, but are less likely to cause bronchoconstriction and uterine contractions. This selectivity is not absolute and depends on the dose.

Some beta blockers enter the brain better than others. Propranolol (Inderal) crosses the blood-brain barrier particularly well. This may be why propranolol causes more central nervous system side effects, such as hallucinations, nightmares, and depression, than the beta blockers that do not cross into the brain as easily.

Interestingly, the ability of beta blockers to help anxiety seems related only to their blockade of beta receptors outside of the brain. Beta blockers will not help the emotional symptoms of stage fright (for example, sleep problems or negative inner voices).

Everyone's body responds differently to beta blockers. For this reason it is important that each person experiment, under medical supervision, to find the ideal dosage for a performance situation. Similarly, it is important to take the beta blocker a few times and under different circumstances before a major performance to be sure the individual has no adverse reactions.

This sounds pretty severe, but I do not want to have to ever let myself down like that again.

hmmm